No More Babies

I’m trying to come to terms with entering this next chapter in my life. Colby is almost one and we are not having any more babies. I will not be feeding any more babies. And I have lots of pregnant friends, which makes me just a tiny bit jealous. It’s been around 6 years that I’ve been in the baby making business…or the thinking about the next baby business. I. LOVED. BEING. PREGNANT. No lie, I loved it. Call me crazy. I started to miss being pregnant very soon after delivering each of my babies. I would actually love to be pregnant again, I’d love to hold a newborn of my own again, but that’s where I’m kind of done with that fantasy. I feel absolutely complete in our family. I just have to get my brain around what I’m supposed to think about next. And when I try really hard I can see it……Dr. Pepper will reenter my life soon on occasion, peanut butter, staying gone as long as I want, perhaps a swimsuit mom suit, a trip with my girlfriends, cute bras, planning a trip to Disneyworld. This could be okay. :) But if any of you out there need me to carry a baby for you please call, but I get to keep it for the first month….those are my terms. :)

Homeschooling Terrifies Me

 

It’s time I admitted that I really don’t have this homeschooling thing altogether. That my really cute classroom isn’t as perfect as it seems and just because I have a degree in education doesn’t mean I will automatically be good at it. I am really scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to divide my time between Mckenzee’s Kindergarten needs, Riley’s preschool needs and Colby’s Mommy needs. I’m scared that I will be so exhausted that I won’t be good at teacher or a good mother.

The thing is I know I’m capable. I know my abilities are there. I know I’m a great teacher. None of that means I will be good at teaching my own children in my home. It just doesn’t. I wish that I had someone right alongside me, doing it with me, but I really feel like this time I need to rely on God…. As I should be doing with every aspect of my life. I know He wants me to homeschool. I think I want to homeschool. I also think deep deep down I am fighting it a little. I think I’m scared that God may be calling me to homeschool longer than I want to homeschool. That this time His plan may be way different than mine. I don’t know.

Up until now I haven’t felt this same pressure because preschool just isn’t the same as real school. Next year is real school. Next year I am totally committed. I can’t have an off day, a lazy day, a give into my kids day when they don’t want to do school. I’m worried that I don’t have what it takes, or that I’ll feel the need to try and prove to others that I’m doing a good job. I’m worried because I’m really good at starting things that I don’t finish. This cannot be one of those things.

This consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. I have to wonder if those homeschooling moms who appear to have it all together really have it all together, and if they do, what is their secret and how can I find out?